I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize