Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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