I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am available for nakedness
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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