he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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