I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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