We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
