whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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