I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
