I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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