6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
