we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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