May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
