I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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