in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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