Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
