Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
