ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
