i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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