I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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