Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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