come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
