i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
