I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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