I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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