tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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