Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
