dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
