I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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