How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
