tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
