He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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