So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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