i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
