That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
