i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
