I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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