you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
