ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
