how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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