Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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