I just cut my nipple shaving
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
