At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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