Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
