tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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