Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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