My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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