youre lurking in front of me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
