So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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