I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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