I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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