I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Enjoy the penises
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
