He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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