You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
