im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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