I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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