i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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