You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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