dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
