OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
