Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
