At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize