i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
